How, When and What to Express in a Sex Talk

Are you frank enough about talking sex? 

It is a bold topic for everyone. People who are open about this stuff are perceived as vulgar and a bad company that should be avoided. Now, it is well established that sexual intercourse or sex talk is the founding stone for having babies. 

How you can become aware about your as well as other partner  sexual needs? Communication through talking is the link towards  enlightenment. To become sexually aware aids in the personal hygiene and satisfaction of the married couple.

How to start the conversation?  

People shy away from this topic as they are confused and are in a dilemma about how to commence the talk. For your help we provide you with ideas from where to start and what to talk that will prove to be stepping stones for a better and safer sexual interconnection. 

Points to remember or to follow for a sex talk are:

  • Likes (Turn-Ons) 

For a deeper connection, a couple should know about the things that are liked by their partner. It acknowledges the other about the physical needs. This allows you to fulfill the needs. This is as simple as telling someone about your hobbies, likes and dislikes, favourite pass-time etc. which paves a positive  path for pleasure and contentment. 

Some of the sample statements to inspire you are:

  1. What are your likes and dislikes?
  2. Are you comfortable doing this?
  3. What are your interests ?
  4. What are your expectations and desires from life?
  • Are we ready for the big step?

You should start slowly before taking the final step. An intimate bonding is essential for a relationship. It might be a trick question for you. According to me, you should go by your gut feeling because it's your call. You are your best judge as you better understand your feelings than any other person. Don’t let others influence your decisions. But as a couple you should communicate and understand your emotions before taking the last leap forward

  • Being innovative 

Long term relationships tend to fade with time as the spark of imagination diminishes. Bonding work better when you  talk about sex otherwise you will have a monotonous life ahead. 

Same old sex can be boring and sexually unsatisfying for partners. Change is the rule of the world. Rediscovering and knowing your partner can aid in better understanding of the needs and desires of  the other mate. It is a proven fact that novelty and innovation in sex life increases the life expectancy rate. Good sex is often about the need of posessing and discovering each other bodies and feelings. 

  • Protected sex

Having safer sex, you can successfully deal with sexual infections and unintended chances of pregnancies. Keeping them at bay is sensible than having unprotected erotic pleasure. Checking with the  other mate for using protection is advisable.

Seeking consent for using protection

It is advisable to seek the consent before you are in the heat of the moment. This way it might not feel to be a distraction and both the partners can  assess the feeling for the need of its use. 

How to seek consent ?

Statements for help are:

  1. I would like to use a condom.Are you okay with it? 
  2. So, how fast  can you put a condom on?

Some people might feel offended by the talk as they feel that the other partner doesn’t trust him/her.  If a person doesn’t want to use protection, in such a scenario the other partner should not put his/her body at risk. If you have a better understanding with your better half than both the partners will feel the need to eliminate the risk.

  • Plan the time of pregnancy

Generally pregnancy occurs when a man and a woman mate with each other. Planning your pregnancy will help you face the challenges and doubts in a responsible way.  

This can greatly help in advance for catering to the finances and needs of the newborn. Having a baby in the near future changes everything. So, talking about the time and feelings about pregnancy can prepare you in a better way  for the future. 

  • Get a test done

Getting a test done for sexually transmitted infections (STIs)  is a prerequisite for your healthy life. Talking about this test can be a tricky proposition.  

Why is it so important?

To be 100% safe from STIs such as AIDS, HIV etc. is only by not having any sexual connection with anyone. Apart from this, these can only be checked by testing for the same. 

How to converse in such a situation

The things to be taken care off are:

  • Pick the best moment − The moment should be before having sex when both of you are in a good, stress free and juvenile mood.  
  • The best away – Dilly dallying on your part will only lead to confusion and give birth to doubts. So, the best way is to ask straight away. “I would want both of us to get checked for STIs”.Tell them this is only for the better health and future of both of us and nothing else.
  • Explain  them grounds − This test is not done to blame anyone of unfaithfulness or trust. To be fully sure about these diseases is only by testing for them. Testing is a great and safe idea for a healthy sex life in the future. 
  • Dislikes (turn-offs)

You have to respect your partner about his/her wishes and preferences. Talking about the limits and expectations in a relationship will aid in nurturing a close bond in a healthy, successful and content wedding life. 

Signs of  ‘NO’ or ‘TO STOP’ means  that the boat is sailing overboard and is off limits. It is the time to respect the decision. Don’t do anything in which you are not comfortable and it is your right to avoid things you don’t enjoy. No one can force anyone against his/her desire and wish.  

The above points can lend a helping hand to you for understanding how to talk, when to talk and what to talk in a Sex Talk. This will assist in attaining emotional and physical intimacy in a couple at a closer and deeper levels.

Dr. Satinder SinghHow, When and What to Express in a Sex Talk

Dr. Satinder Singh

Phone: +91-94165 34999, +91-94670 15252


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