Infidelity and sex life

What is infidelity? Why do people cheat? Why do happy people cheat? Is an extramarital affair an end of life?

Fidelity is the faithfulness for a person through the highest degree of loyalty and continuing support. However, infidelity is the exact opposite. This is an offense through which two soul mates are shattered. They are robbed of the key ingredients i.e. companionship, the close attachment, warmth and the sense of belongingness in the relationship. But the topic is poorly understood.

Adultery existed in ancient times. It is universally forbidden but still, it has roots imbibed in the system.

Monogamy is one person in the duration of lifespan. But the meaning of monogamy has changed with time. Now, it is an individual at a particular time according to our convenience. In yesteryears, we married and had sex for the first time but now we marry and cease to have sex with others.


Why people indulge in the act?

Sexual supremacy: Men boost about having sex and exaggerate but women on the other side have to hide, minimize and deny because of the stigma attached to it. In ancient times, polygamy was practiced in which a male person can have more than one wife. Throughout history, men are the main protagonists having the right to engage in cheating with little hardships in life and are supported by lots of biological and evolutionary facts.


For fun or an adrenaline booster: The youth tend to have more than one affair. There is a physical attraction between the sexes and the hormones are also changing. They are ready to explore the physical boundaries and are in the game for only fun and are not emotionally attached. Infidelity is forbidden. Breaking the law gives a sense of fulfillment. But happily married people also tend to betray the other partner for the sake of enjoyment, curiosity, and thrill. Loneliness, boredom and rediscovering the unfulfilled desires are likely reasons for such behavior.


Communication gap: In today’s world everyone is busy. For survival both the partners have to work and deal with the pressure of their respective jobs. On the communication front, there is no understanding and bonding between the two souls. It leads to dissatisfaction mentally and physically. The feeling of neglecting crops in and is detrimental to the bonding. Communication can be done through talking, listening, understanding the needs and body language i.e. gestures to make the other partner feel important, loved, cared and the super most priority in the world.


Lower libido: Sexual satisfaction is vital for a healthy and robust relationship or sex life. Both men and women counter various sexual problems in their life. Firstly, they are not aware of their problems. Secondly, they don’t want to share their confusion and inhibitions about their bodies, even with their partners with whom they have to spend their entire life. These things tend to decrease sexual desire in a person’s life. For the answers, they can talk to sex therapists i.e. sexologists to sort out their questions. Unsatisfied sexual life can be a reason for adultery among humans.


Compatibility issues: Two persons never think alike. Everybody has an opinion about life and he/she likes to live it in a certain way. From our adolescent age to the youth age, we have been brought up by our parent’s upbringing and through the education process in schools and colleges. We became a man or woman having a set of values and opinions about various things in life. A couple can have different opinions and takes about day-to-day chores. These tend to create compatibility issues. In nature, the fittest survive. But a couple can succeed only as a whole keeping aside their egos and opinions for the better well-being of a relationship and not as an individual. These issues lead to a craving for a more desirable, understanding and better lover in life.


According to studies, only 17% of divorces are due to an extramarital affair. Even after betrayal from the other half, people tend to stay in the relationship. They don’t want to leave the insecurities of life and continue to live an ordeal of a lifetime.


The effects of infidelity in the couple’s life:-

Miserable: When you unearth an affair of your spouse you are shell shocked and your emotional world goes on a rough roller coaster ride. The world becomes full of misery, pain, deceit and what not. You are not able to concentrate on anything in your life. Life has made a rude mockery of you.


The end of the world: Your mate whom you loved the most has betrayed your trust. It seems like it is the end of the world. You want to annihilate everything, yourself, your partner and the outside world. At times, people take extreme steps and play with their lives.


Shatters the confidence: It affects the self-esteem and the individual loses his/her identity. He/she is lost in this big world. You don’t want to face the world as a virtual world within you is shattered and destroyed.


Abandonment and rejection: Betrayal gives birth to rejection. The feeling of abandonment follows. An extra affair means for the betrayed person that he/she was not up to the mark for the other mate. That’s why he/she abandoned the ship and went on an extra sexual voyage.


How to recover from the aftermath of betrayal?

  1. Be honest with your partner: Is there any guilt within yourself of dodging your wife or husband about the sexual secrets of your life. Married life is lovely and satisfying when it is based on truths. To hide something we have to speak the untruth and therein lies the nemesis of a relationship.


  1. Disclosing process: It is the hardest part as you know within the repercussions of an affair in your life. You are filled with guilt and remorse. At times, you tried to be honest about your life but you are not able to take that first step towards enlightenment. In any way, the stress of guilt and the secrets within the life will ruin the beautiful future waiting for you. Your mate was the next best thing that happened in your life. No doubt, it is harder but for promising health and happy life take that leap forward.


  1. Developing the intimacy: Its awkward and not the same. You are filled with lots of questions in your mind. Was the dishonest one not happy with the honest one? The sincere one asks, “Why it happened in my life? Was not I up to the mark? Why was the affair anyway? Why?” To recover sexual intimacy is a very good healer but is very challenging experience aftermath of a betrayal.


  1. Emotional foreplay: In a relationship, it’s not about sex all the time. The two souls should understand each other emotionally. Here physical stimulation is not required but you have to be more caring and loving outside the bedroom. It begins on the morning of the day. The emotional foreplay mends the atmosphere and climate to a romantic alliance between the souls.


  1. Attention: When a person is shattered he/she loses self-esteem and confidence. The human being once was so successful and confident but after the cheating is shrouded with so many insecurities within. We have to fully support the other member and help him/her to come to terms with social obligations.


  1. Affection: There is a lot of emotional turmoil as the one thing you loved the most has betrayed you. Affection is physical touch and not a sexual touch. It is the warmth of love, liking, care, fondness or showing tenderness for the spouse. It is the feeling of being present in every hour of need i.e. the rough as well as happy times. Rebuild the trust lost.


  1. Honour your spouse: Most of the time, the spouses take each other for granted and such behavior is a low state and rocks the boat of soul mates. It results in an emotional disconnect between each other. You have to value him/her as an individual and honour the other person's thoughts and devote time and not make them feel neglected.


Dr. Satinder SinghInfidelity and sex life

Dr. Satinder Singh

Phone: +91-94165 34999, +91-94670 15252


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